Being Refined...

Welcome!

So today marks the day that I begin this blog. I have never considered myself the "blogging type," but I wanted a way to share my feelings about the amazing gospel I have in my life with fellow children of God. I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Yes, I am a Mormon. I know it, I live it, I love it. Here is where I will share my journey, testimony, and enlightenments. (And probably a few other things, but they are less important!)

I am not perfect. I never have been. There have been times in my life where I believed I never would be. But as I have grown and become (a little bit) wiser, I have learned a sweet eternal truth; through the awe-inspiring Atonement of our loving brother and Savior, Jesus Christ; I can and will be perfected. My heart is full as I write those words. I can be perfect. I cannot be flawless on my own, but through Him, I truly can be made pure and clean. What a beautiful comfort this is to a soul such as mine that has been scarred from years of sin and neglect.

I have always been a Mormon. I was born into this Church and raised in it by two incredibly strong parents who gave me wonderful examples of dedicated discipleship and strength. I have always had a testimony that this gospel was true...but I have not always been converted to this Church. In high school, I began to wander. Mormons are, in fact, a "peculiar people." We do not blend into the crowd, and we are not intended to. Now, I am proud of being considered different. I am grateful to the Lord for His true and complete gospel when someone notices that I am "unusual," and ask if I am a Mormon. We live in the world, but are not of the world. By holding ourselves to the standard God has set for us, we distance ourselves from moral complacency of the world...and people do notice. As an insecure girl, being noticeably different was the very last thing that I wanted. I desired to be a social chameleon of sorts-I just wanted to fit in and be accepted. I didn't want to rock the boat, I just wanted to be like everyone else. I forgot who I was. I forgot that I was the daughter of a king. I forgot my divine nature and eternal potential. Instead of being proud of my religion, I became bashful and reluctant. My actions were not always in accordance with what I believed deep down. In fact, most of the time they weren't. My heart hurts as I consider how far below my potential I was living, and the poor example I gave to those around me of what an LDS girl should be. I just got caught up in the thick of thin things. Instead of focusing on eternity, I focused on a few years of my life which would be of little consequence in the long-term. I made decisions which cut me deeply and have had consequences and lasting pain. But, alas, this is not meant to be a post of regret, but one of hope. In the darkest of my days, I was lifted out of my misery by my brother, Christ. Finally, after years, I decided that I needed the gospel which I had been raised in. I could go on no longer without it. I could not afford to continue living without an anchor. I slowly but surely started to turn the Lord. I poured countless tears and prayers out unto Him. I asked Him to take my burden, and He took it. He loved me enough to take all of my sins, fears, and pains upon His shoulders, even when I really probably didn't deserve it. And more amazing than that, He did it happily. He wanted to save and embrace me, all He needed was my permission and for me to soften my heart. The road of repentance is one of joy my friends. It is not always easy, and you may not always see the end, but I promise you it is one with the most glorious sights you could ever imagine. Vistas of peace. Valleys of everlasting and true joy. Oceans of comfort and healing. Mountains of love. There are so many beautiful aspects to be beheld that one cannot view them all at once. When you think you have seen all the beauty there is, you round the bend of the path and discover what you have seen is only a tiny particle of what there truly is to see. It's remarkable. I cannot fully comprehend the infinite nature of the Atonement, but I know without a doubt that it is the most wonderful treasure mankind has ever been given.

I have pondered recently in retrospection whether or not I would ever go back and change what I have done. I can answer this with a resounding "no." It is true that I regret the acts, but the lessons I have learned from them and the relationship I have developed with my Savior have become irreplaceable. Without falling short, I never could have learned to lean on and rely on and trust my Savior enough to allow Him to reach down and lift me up. I would not have learned the infinite value of virtue, righteousness, and obedience. I could not be the daughter of God I am slowly being molded into. I could not have felt His perfect and redeeming love as deeply as I now do. One of my favorite scriptures is found in the Book of Job, chapter 23, verse 10. It says "But He knoweth the way that I take: when He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Gold cannot be refined without time in an intense fire. Just as gold becomes purified through hard times, so are we. Am I imperfect and scarred? Yes. But am I infinitely loved and will I be perfected? Yes! I am being refined, even as gold. Jeffrey R. Holland once said "...surely the thing God enjoys most about being God is the thrill of being merciful, especially to those who don't expect it and often feel they don't deserve it."It is never too late to come unto Him. He will always welcome His children back and "encircle thee in the arms of my love." This gospel is so full of pure and absolute joy and hope. I would be lost without it. I love it with all my heart, and I know that my Heavenly Father and Brother love us with all their hearts. One day, I hope I will rely on the infinite Atonement enough that I can be refined like beautiful gold and truly reflect my Savior in my countenance. I hope that as I continue to dedicate my life to my Lord, that I will live in such a way that after my time here on Earth is done, that I will return to His embrace and hear the words "Well done, thou good and faithful servant." 

God be with you till we meet again,
Alyssa