Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Hermana Miller: Week 19: Still on my island vacation.

2/24/2014

Whooohoooo!!!

Guess who gets to stay in Grand Island with Hermana Pocock for another transfer?! This girl!!! YES! The Lord truly answers prayers. I need more time here. I need to learn more from these people and from the Lord. We lost Elder Wilson in transfers-he is an amazing missionary. Buuuut we adopted a new little baby from the Mexico CCM-Elder Saunders, who is the definition of a Preach My Gospel missionary! So excited to see what he does. Sister Beers is no longer with us in the trio, she got a new companion, Sister Crist. That means we are back to sharing the car...oh boy! But it is okay. I have kind of missed walking. (Kind of. Only when it is warmer.)

So this week has been incredibly hard for me. All week we had this great build up-SO many people committed to come to church and were firm and dedicated to it! But Sunday came, and not a single one showed up. Not one. We did all we could think of to ensure they would be there; praying, stopping by, leaving notes, phone calls, texts, and yet not a single one came to church. It crushed me. This is the second week in a row that something like this has happened. I don't know what to do! Hermana Pocock and I ended up in the bathroom for a little while during sacrament because I was just crying so hard. (It didn't help that Hermana Pocock and I had to sing "Sirvamos Unidas" in sacrament and I was traumatized and embarrassed afterwards.) Sometimes I feel a little like the Lord of the Vineyard in Jacob 5 when He says "What more could I have done for my vineyard?" I really, truly, and desperately want to see progress in these people, and some days it just feels like all we do is for naught. I can't stand that feeling! I love these people SO MUCH and want them to have the restored gospel and the peace and joy that comes with that! Why don't they want it too? Some of them have felt and seen the difference, and are yet choosing to turn their backs. Perhaps I am being too impatient, and too prideful...that's probably what it is. I just need to trust the Lord; which includes His timetable. He has these people in His hands, I should never forget that He will never abandon us, nor His children here. I try really hard to keep my hope and faith high, and I feel like I bounce back really well, but sometimes it's still really tough.

But, I know the Lord loves us and this is His work. Literally everything is going according to His plan. I just need to be better about accepting that plan. This is a time of growth for me. I read a scripture as I studied Doctrine and Covenants 82 this week, that I distinctly remember reading in the Provo temple one day as I was struggling to accept God's plan for me before my mission:

"For (Hermana Miller) must increase in bbeauty, and in choliness; her borders must be enlarged; her dstakes must be strengthened; yea, verily I say unto you, (Hermana Miller) must earise and put on her fbeautiful garments."

I need to step up and work harder, learn more, and truly give every ounce of my heart, might, mind, and soul to this work. That is why I am so dedicated to this 40 day fast. I truly want to be an instrument in the hands of my Beloved Lord. I trust Him and know this is a time to help me grow and become what He wants me to be. If we endure through disappointment and hard times, He has given us a great promise, which He always will keep.

"For even yet the akingdom is yours, and shall be forever, if you fall not from your bsteadfastness. Even so. Amen."

I love Him. I love this work. I love being a missionary. It is worth every heartbreak, because you receive more joy than you ever thought possible. This is the happiest time of my life.

I love you all,
Hermana Miller :)



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